Raw Feelings

I'm currently in the midst of my exams. It is as though these past weeks I havent been living.

all of sudden, oh I wish it weren't so. I long to live a life that isnt so routine like..do new things

meet new ppl, get to know my other friends whom I have neglected. I realised and

concluded that I have officially been peeking into everyones life and parasiting over what

happens in their lives.

yes! I call it… life parasiting.

I never thought such a thing existed till now. We get so caught up about someones lives.

what happened to them today. What they felt,what they ate…. A tv program. A celebrity..

What others think….how I can do what I do for them….i stop functioning as a person. I become a slave to everything around…..making decisions based on what others thought. No stand…giving in all the time. Allowing myself to die slowly…my will.my wants. Things that interest me. Things that I want to do…..so much so that I don’t know how to interact with ppl anymore…I miss the ability I had to talk to many ppl.. I want my life back god.

Could you help me with my identity again…

Help me to stop clinging to others… I just want to clinging to you.

Lord I want a more interesting life..i'm fed up of the mediocre. I want to move up another level of faith…another lifestyle. Lord


Time to change…I could cry about it. I could even whine. But lord I knoe it does nothing. Ok lord…


Lets see step 1:

J Who is Sophie Lau?

I am sophie lau. I am a souled out Christian. I love my JeSUs sooo much… he loves me that's why..

I thrive on living everyday for him. Makes my day complete. To talk about him.
I'm a girl. I'm starting to like the idea of dressing up. Not so much of the pretty side to it..but the "look how I feel part" it's an art that I indulge in nowadays. To dress my mind…to shout what I want to say through what I'm weAring.

I love thinking of new ideas. Coming up and getting involved in projects. I love how it feels to have to meet a dateline. The fulfillment you get in blowing off ppl's expectations. Surprising them as I push myself to get things done out of the box.

I love to think bigscale… for I hold on to this saying…if you're going to do it, get it done big.go all out. As if its your last. Throw in what ever you can to make it. convincE others and
Let them join me in this…

Guess I do this cause I believe that there is no limits when God backs us up..then it's really important that I do what god wills..or not I'll be wasting my time.

I hate failures.it's painful.but I 've learnt that It does me good. It breaks me up but allows me to be glued back together even stronger.

I'm not really the type that talks a lot. I prefer to just do things. Think about things ..i'm actually not a very fast talker. I find it hard to engage in small talk. I'm not very patient. And sometimes It gets the better of me. And I start judging others

I love to give to ppl. And I think everybody matters as much as I do. Especially their opinions. With ppl I care about I tend to give in to their preference…except if it doesn’t fit with god's. I enjoy doing this eventhough sometimes it’s a bummer cause I don’t get to do the things I want to..


I love to speak into ppl's lives ….. But lately I realised I have nothing much to say cause I havent been talking to ppl much…I feel as though I have lost touch with ppl. I sit alone in youth at times. Just unable to connect to ppl. This frustrates me…cause it happens in school too. Guess I'm just built like that..every few days I console myself telling myself that I have a group that I can fall back to…but then again it's more of individuals.

Ok enough clicking already. Now I need to start talking to others. If I'm not a group person..'m going to try something new by starting to talk in a group..

God this is not to change my self image or whatever…but more of a time to grow up and learn these things…I don’t want to end up doing only the things that I'm comfortable with. I'm going to do new things…talk to new ppl…help me not to be judgmental
Anymore…

No more I'm not this kind of person. I want to develop the ability to be adaptable and approachable and available once again….hahah


God would you restore the joy that I had in me…the life that comes in conversations with me. I don’t want to be boring. I want to do things.. And not have to wait for my friends to these things. God would you enable me to do all this.

To locate my initial identity and that is my identity in you;…the one that pleases you and not just the one that makes me fit in…..god! I need you once again. All the time.. Sorry for just spending so much time with others and caring more about them then anything else…it was as though I was just existing…lord I want to live..

Lord I commit my life to you once again..forgive me for the things I have done.. I thank you lord for what you have done in my life for saving me from the power of sin and giving eternal life. Lord I want to start live that abundant life again.. Father equip me and empower me once again.

Firstly lord, I want to be a blessing to ppl…father would you put me into all sorts of adventures…all sorts of diff situations….all sorts of diff experiences that leads me to you.


Looking to you now and forever.

God even the music I want to listen because I like and not because others love it.

Let them learn my songs.. Hahhah…

So god ..you're with me right. I cant do this without you…transform me to something pleasing to your will. I'm choosing to stand up now.