Prelude

Every book has an introduction. An exciting event maybe. Something new and fresh marking the end of what was and the beginning of what is to come. Sometimes its the authors thoughts and feelings towards the tale written be it fiction or his/her reality.

my perceptions have changed. i was shocked. my friend, being a fussy eater shares my joy. my taste.once AGain i've seen her enjoy the taste of food the way i do after such a long time. "Chai buoy" ..or whatever she calls it in her canto..
the updated list: classic, SR,sipahh, Chai buoy..

i've said it! What God has laid upon my heart. his good and pleasing and perfect will for my life which can't run from. it has consumed every part of me. not my will but his in and through me. telling my mom was the scariest moment of speech i've ever had. the phrase .." i'm confused.." still rings in my ear.. who would have thought she would have reacted that way...supportive and submissive to her Lord's will. Wait till i finally break it to dad..boy! just wait...thank you friends who held my dream with me.

Coach is leaving for NS in two hours.

Josh left for the states.

The new day is coming. God leads us into exciting things when we allow him to have full control. if we sit back and let him take the wheel  the ride will be amazing. the view spectacular. the ppl met never a coincidence.
ministry a mission. not plain service. God i commit 2008 into your hands. Grow me! you 're all i want all i need. everything i have, i've placed at your feet.  love you father, Phie.

My Happy Ending

Never knew i could relate to a Mika Song. i feel it.

Happy Ending

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever.

Then live the rest of our life,

But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life

Can't get no love without sacrifice

If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well

A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told

No hope, or love, or glory

Happy endings gone forever more

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'

And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever.

Then live the rest of our life,

But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind

Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around

If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep

I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told

No hope, or love, or glory

Happy endings gone forever more

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'

And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever.

Then live the rest of our life,

But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love

Little bit of love, little bit of love 

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'

And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever.

To live the rest of our life,

But not together.

 

just hear those.....

My neighbours are singing again....
Do you think they'll stop if i choose to sing as loud as them?

"Just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too!!!!!"

no respond.
oh well.

 

Friends

I had an amazing time of prayer yesterday.After which i felt empowered by God and felt my burdens drift away and the cries of my heart heard.
I remember asking God to build my faith, to bring me Forward in my walk with him. Lead me into new seasons, testimonies and faith.

He answered. not how i expected but he did.

i didnt have to listen to a sermon or hear words from any leader. he spoke to me through a situation.

Now my perspective has change. His favor has taken its effect in my life.
thank you so much lord. you heard my cry and answered.

When i started this blog i told myself never to use it to complain or put others down. so i'm not going to tell what happened. but this is what i learned.

There are so many types of ppl in our lives...these are the friends that i have and am thankful for

1) Family..
2) the best friend
3) Gift of an answered prayer
4) faithful
5) inspiration
6) comrade
7) listener
8) voice
9) mentor
10) crush
11) love
12) childhood
13) support
14) pillar
15) shoulder
16) loyal
17) the one that makes me smile
18) i'm proud of
19) mini me
20) health freak
21) keeper

And the list goes on..

somebody in my life asked me do i have die hard friends?
(those who would stand with me when my world crashes)
immediately all i could do was smile..cause i knew i did. not one but many. *one already died for me though and that's Jesus.

my friend got hurt yesterday because of somebody i hung out with.
so many thoughts passed through my mind. anger,disappointment, regret, but now i know god used the situation to open my eyes about the ppl i mix with. i have to watch who i hang with cause i may be influenced, or hurt others when i'm with them.even when my intentions are the best.
 
loves phie.

shaun you know you're a blessing right?i love you loads.three cheers for the bestest friend ever. will pray for you.

...

it's times like these that brings me to realize that
God has my back..
pressing on towards the goal. not looking back.
just two more weeks.
then a new chapter begins.


i wish he could not go and stay here. but i know it'll be selfish.

Success!????

 whoa..

i spent the whole day like studying.
Thanks to my study buddies,wei hsiang and vikram
i have reached kiasu mode..hahahah

reality: time is short. not sufficient. syllabus is large and heavy.

Hope: God. The super one who created me, who holds the earth in the palm of his hands, he's the ultimate Physicist, Chemist, Math Whiz,and all knowing god who has all general knowledge and so much more at the tip of his fingers. yup. he's with me 24/7.

so do i have to worry. i guess not.he works everything out for the good of those who love and trust him.

thank you Lord, for the rainbow. your promises are true and you are faithful. your grace is enough for me Lord. when i am weak,  I am strong. for you work best in my weaknesses.

6 days to go...

loves. phie

>>so little time, so much to do. i 'd rather spend more time with you - walking is never the same with anyone else.-

GAH!!

if you havent spoken to me in a long time...

i like the word gah.. it expresses frustration, relieves stress..speaks my mind when i'm tired and filled with clutter.

                      GAH!!!!!!

much better..

11 days and counting...oh no!!

an apple for her!!

you know how in old movies..those kids would always be walking to school with a few books bounded together with the string thingamajiggy..in one hand and an apple in the other...
 
           if i was that kid..i'll give my apple to this one teacher...pn Chuah.

why?? Cause she's like the best teacher ever!!!!!!
>>she's like always there...sent from above.
>>see i hate asking ppl for help. i guess maybe i see it as myself admitting my weakness. anywho..i was struggling bad with my math. So finally i decided that i was going to ask someone to help me. who better than my trusted math teacher. thing was i had to much pride(i think that's the right word to use)in me..and couldn't utter those words..played it out repeatedly in my head..i even practiced...."teacher,i'm struggling..nono..teacher are you free..no.erm...i cant understand this lah. OH FORGET IT LAH...i dont need help."

well, in the end those word dissolved from vocab..i wanted help. and i knew she was the only one fit for the Job. so i finally asked her. mana tau..she was leaving for camp on Thursday..and will only be available on monday and tuesday night. she didnt mind me coming over and helping me out..

so i just came back from her place. and you know what she offered to help next week too. so it wasnt just a one time pity thing. it was an .. ok i'll do what i can to help you...

two days ago i was defeated, for i thought help would not come. there was no motivation. but now knowing that one person would go all the way for me even when she doesnt have too makes me want to give all that i got into this..

God..thank you so much for this. i needed it so badly. thank you for lifting me up this time. love you Lord. bless pn chuah too Lord cause she's been an awesome teacher.

phie

Run baby run!

THe oddest thing happened today...my friend ran away from home. cute thing was my friend only ran for a few hours but brought enough stuff to last at least two days.haha. my fault my friend failed but oh well. 

i guess sometimes we all want to just want to leave and runaway from it all. whatever it may be fights, exams, stpm(haiyo!) but how many of us actually do it.......well, although i dont encourage anyone else to run away when things happen i must say that it took guts and strong will power to run like my friend.

but in the end when you think about it, running never does anyone any good. unless you're in a race or somesort. hmmm. reminds me of the story of Jonah. he didnt want to get in too deep with things. he wanted the more convenient path of life..unfortunately by running things got worst for him. 

When it comes to issues,i guess good ol' confrontation and god given patience is the way  to go. 

Lesson learnt today:  Life's tough. Even when we don't like whats happening right in front of us, we shouldnt run. we're made to face things head on..check out the armour of god, realise that there's nothing protecting our backs. When we're just confused, we can just stand there, but never run!

thank you God for today, man! that word from ps phillips hit me right at home. God i want to worship you for all you are. teach me to be selfless in worship. sorry for making it about me so often.when it's bout you. teach me Lord everyday, 

i'm pondering bout this now:  is our worship to God reflecting heavenly worship? are the songs we're singing in line with the word of god or just a bunch of nice sentences which triggers our emotions...?

loves.

my nose feeling

what a feeling, this nose feeling, the heavy feeling of tears going through every part of your face yet not coming out as drops of water...just an irritating sensation. i think i'm stressed. Stpm is coming! i dont think i can ever be ready. i feel like i'm going to war with empty guns and tanks that dont work. the only thing that is keeping me on my feet is the hope of surviving it and having a few more stories to tell.
 LIzzie said i sound defeated. maybe i was but after thinking of how i would feel in march once i get my results back, i really dont want to be stuck with the " i should have at least given it my all" regret. so ok i'm going to give it my all. no giving up. anyway time and time again god reminds me that all he wants me to do is give my best in this and he'll do the rest. from the beginning he let me to this he's bring me through it.

yesterday was filled with so many different kinds of emotion. can you actually die of excessive/frequent emotional changes? i wonder.

         BREAKING NEWS>>> MY maid's going home!
of all things i never thought this could happen.she going off early. why?she didnt get fired.haha. we're allowing her to terminate her contract cause she has to get home for her eldest child, 7 years old..is really ill. we've concluded it's because she misses her mom real bad. my maid Anna said she wouldnt want to go if it wasnt serious. as she related her story to me, i could help but think of how things will be so inconvenient once she leave which is most probably this week. but after realising how hard it must be for her i told god, that i didnt mind the inconvenience if it meant blessing her by letting her go at once. i really felt for her, soon after my conversation all i could do was get into the toilet and cry. i prayed for her too though.. ..

OMG!!! no maid. exams. house chores. what next? well at least i'm not alone in all this.

god, i need your strength to carry on. life's getting more and more challenging. teach me to see it as an opportunity for growth. love you. thanks for not leaving me even when i'm a jerk sometimes. thanks for james 1:19-20 and speaking through dana. i needed that. i'm going to try. loves

Guilty!

  I'm supposed to be studying. my finals are creeping in like the scary monster in Goosebumps. you know the oozy thingy that goes under your door. not panicking. nope i simply refuse to. i felt the need to to type my thoughts lately. so in the end blogging didn't seem all that bad. sure saves my phone bill. just type it down.hmmm. hope this helps with getting my thoughts out there instead of being swallowed up by oh..my extremely terrible and disappointing memory.

so...this is my blog!

ATTEMPT #2
god inspire me to keep it up..love you.

Chemistry time...

loves.

Raw Feelings

I'm currently in the midst of my exams. It is as though these past weeks I havent been living.

all of sudden, oh I wish it weren't so. I long to live a life that isnt so routine like..do new things

meet new ppl, get to know my other friends whom I have neglected. I realised and

concluded that I have officially been peeking into everyones life and parasiting over what

happens in their lives.

yes! I call it… life parasiting.

I never thought such a thing existed till now. We get so caught up about someones lives.

what happened to them today. What they felt,what they ate…. A tv program. A celebrity..

What others think….how I can do what I do for them….i stop functioning as a person. I become a slave to everything around…..making decisions based on what others thought. No stand…giving in all the time. Allowing myself to die slowly…my will.my wants. Things that interest me. Things that I want to do…..so much so that I don’t know how to interact with ppl anymore…I miss the ability I had to talk to many ppl.. I want my life back god.

Could you help me with my identity again…

Help me to stop clinging to others… I just want to clinging to you.

Lord I want a more interesting life..i'm fed up of the mediocre. I want to move up another level of faith…another lifestyle. Lord


Time to change…I could cry about it. I could even whine. But lord I knoe it does nothing. Ok lord…


Lets see step 1:

J Who is Sophie Lau?

I am sophie lau. I am a souled out Christian. I love my JeSUs sooo much… he loves me that's why..

I thrive on living everyday for him. Makes my day complete. To talk about him.
I'm a girl. I'm starting to like the idea of dressing up. Not so much of the pretty side to it..but the "look how I feel part" it's an art that I indulge in nowadays. To dress my mind…to shout what I want to say through what I'm weAring.

I love thinking of new ideas. Coming up and getting involved in projects. I love how it feels to have to meet a dateline. The fulfillment you get in blowing off ppl's expectations. Surprising them as I push myself to get things done out of the box.

I love to think bigscale… for I hold on to this saying…if you're going to do it, get it done big.go all out. As if its your last. Throw in what ever you can to make it. convincE others and
Let them join me in this…

Guess I do this cause I believe that there is no limits when God backs us up..then it's really important that I do what god wills..or not I'll be wasting my time.

I hate failures.it's painful.but I 've learnt that It does me good. It breaks me up but allows me to be glued back together even stronger.

I'm not really the type that talks a lot. I prefer to just do things. Think about things ..i'm actually not a very fast talker. I find it hard to engage in small talk. I'm not very patient. And sometimes It gets the better of me. And I start judging others

I love to give to ppl. And I think everybody matters as much as I do. Especially their opinions. With ppl I care about I tend to give in to their preference…except if it doesn’t fit with god's. I enjoy doing this eventhough sometimes it’s a bummer cause I don’t get to do the things I want to..


I love to speak into ppl's lives ….. But lately I realised I have nothing much to say cause I havent been talking to ppl much…I feel as though I have lost touch with ppl. I sit alone in youth at times. Just unable to connect to ppl. This frustrates me…cause it happens in school too. Guess I'm just built like that..every few days I console myself telling myself that I have a group that I can fall back to…but then again it's more of individuals.

Ok enough clicking already. Now I need to start talking to others. If I'm not a group person..'m going to try something new by starting to talk in a group..

God this is not to change my self image or whatever…but more of a time to grow up and learn these things…I don’t want to end up doing only the things that I'm comfortable with. I'm going to do new things…talk to new ppl…help me not to be judgmental
Anymore…

No more I'm not this kind of person. I want to develop the ability to be adaptable and approachable and available once again….hahah


God would you restore the joy that I had in me…the life that comes in conversations with me. I don’t want to be boring. I want to do things.. And not have to wait for my friends to these things. God would you enable me to do all this.

To locate my initial identity and that is my identity in you;…the one that pleases you and not just the one that makes me fit in…..god! I need you once again. All the time.. Sorry for just spending so much time with others and caring more about them then anything else…it was as though I was just existing…lord I want to live..

Lord I commit my life to you once again..forgive me for the things I have done.. I thank you lord for what you have done in my life for saving me from the power of sin and giving eternal life. Lord I want to start live that abundant life again.. Father equip me and empower me once again.

Firstly lord, I want to be a blessing to ppl…father would you put me into all sorts of adventures…all sorts of diff situations….all sorts of diff experiences that leads me to you.


Looking to you now and forever.

God even the music I want to listen because I like and not because others love it.

Let them learn my songs.. Hahhah…

So god ..you're with me right. I cant do this without you…transform me to something pleasing to your will. I'm choosing to stand up now.

Direction

It is time...time to make decisions once again. Those I dread making for the consequences of my so called logic actually matters. It's where and what I'm going to up being. I knew that all I wanted and had to do was to do what God wanted. And just as he led me to Form 6, inspiring me to teach. He'll lead me to my next stop when I lost my way.

Nope. I didn’t loose my passion for the teaching profession. But after a year I have gained perspective. I realized that the taxi ambition I had in me can't be fully met with the education line.. As I was heading back from my scout dinner one Saturday night I realized what I was doing all this time….my juniors of five years have finally passed on the baton of leadership to the next batch. For me it was a bitter sweet moment. I felt a deep sense of contentment for I was apart of their life and god has used me to impact their life in one way or another. shaping them to be better than I was. Passing on just whatever I knew just by influence alone most of the time. Not preach to them but just doing what I believe in and sticking to it…they see it and they learnt.

I was in such awe cause that whole night was to appreciate them. I was old news. Just a bystander who was appreaciated by those getting recognition. There wasn’t a big celebration for the person responsible( just a bit)for what they have turned out to be. There were only silent smiles of apreciation and glances of thank yous and love from them…althought little it may seem. That was the greatest honor for me.

It has grown in me. This passion to ferry ppl to their destination. I experiencing it once and then leading others and letting go to experience and achieve greater. That's my purpose I believe.

So now the question was…. Do I want to teach math or a language like english? Am I passionate to see lives be empowered by fluent use of language?

Or Am I interested in teaching ppl how to live? How do I do that? Is God calling me..was this why I was made?